love/hate

i love romantic comedies.  a temporary high, imagination running wild, a fantasy.

then it ends.

then i reflect on what i don’t have.  the high is over, fear emerges, the reality.

i yearn what i lack.  i fear what i lack.

and the most interesting part—it’s not about having the hot guy at all.  it’s about taking the risk, the rush, having feelings.  i lack all that.  i wanna find it.  when i do, as toby said after he got all of michael’s poker chips,

“i’m gonna chase that feeling”.